Dysfunctional Family
by Lovina Hates You
Summary: Life with the Potato bastards. People will be scarred for life and probably end up an emotional wreck. And by people I mean Ludwig. High School/Family AU. Multiple pairings including Spamano, PruCan, GerIta, Grandpa RomexGermania, ect.


A.N. So I have another account, but I won't say because I'm hiding from my friends on here so…

Oh and p.s. they really need a name for Germania, because picking one out for him was HELL. I had to do a lot of research to find a suitable one. So I apologize if you don't like it.

Sorry this is short; it's just a prelude, so I didn't really exert much effort :P

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia. If I did, you would all be mentally scarred. Heh. You think I'm kidding.

* * *

The Chapter Where Grandpa Is Assaulted With Oatmeal:

Lovina was staring at her breakfast. Oatmeal. … Why? She poked it with her spoon. Maybe she could glare at it till it exploded? Or she could feed it to her sister. Feliciana was the closet thing they had to a dog. She poked it again. She really, really hated oatmeal.

Someone cleared they throat. Lovina looked up and raised her eyebrows. Her grandpa looked around the table awkwardly.

"Ummm… heh… I don't really know how to begin." Grandpa "Rome" started, "But I shouldn't beat around the bush. I've been seeing someone, and well, we're getting married!" Lovina fell out of her chair.

Feliciana squealed in delight. "VE! WHAT'S HER NAME? DOES SHE HAVE ANY KIDS? HOW OLD IS SHE? WHAT DOES SHE LOOK LIKE? WHEN IS THE WEDDING? I'm so so so sooooo happy for you Grandpa!"

Lovina stared in shock at her family. "Are you all insane? Feli and I haven't even met her! You're all fucking idiots!"

Grandpa Rome smiled sheepishly. "Well I was planning on telling you sooner… I just wasn't sure how you guys take it. Well I knew how Feliciana would react but… well with you Lovina, I feared for my safety. Oh and it's not a she, it's a he!"

It all went quiet. Lovina fought back the urge to hit him. "And… how long have you been seeing... him?"

Grandpa Rome smiled brightly. "Two and a half years!"

He was hit smack dab in the forehead with Lovina's oatmeal.

* * *

Things went much smoother at the _Beilschmidt_ household. Gilbert was feeding Gilbird a pop tart (while flinging the pieces without frosting at Ludwig's head) while Ludwig was calmly eating his toast. And- oooh now Gilbert was poking Ludwig while Gilbird attempted to bite off his ear. Poor Ludwig just wanted to eat his damn toast.

Conrad simply looked at his grandkids. "Silence." He said. He didn't say it very loud, but used a tone that clearly stated, "I am the authority figure, so sit down and shut up."

Both of the teens sat down, Gilbert grumbling all the while.

Conrad decided to keep it simple. "I'm getting married." Ludwig simply grunted in acknowledgement and went to eating his toast. "Awesome!" exclaimed Gilbert, "Congrats on finally getting laid Gramps! So who's the lucky guy?" Unlike Rome, Conrad was openly gay.

"His name is Romulus. He's Francis's cousins' grandfather. I met him at a party hosted by the Bonnefoy's two and a half years ago."

"When is the wedding?" Ludwig asked.

"September 1st but they're moving in with us two weeks before the end of summer, on the 11th of August."

"AWESOME! Finally, some siblings that hopefully don't have a stick up their ass. I really hope they're awesomer than Ludwig!" said Gilbert, clearly excited.

"And I really hope you fall off the balcony." Said Ludwig obviously miffed.

Gilbert stuck his tongue out at him, in a childish act of rebellion.

Gilbert's being childish. Yeah, what else is new?

* * *

**Lovina 'Suck It' Vargas**

Only one week till we move across the fucking country to live with some fucking bastards I have never met in my fucking life. This is all your fault **Francis Smexy Bonnefoy**! Why did you have to have friends? FML.

6 minutes ago ·Like · Comment · See Friendship

**Francis Smexy Bonnefoy** likes this.

**Francis Smexy Bonnefoy- **Now, now _mon cousin belle_, you should know better than to let your _grand-père_ come to a party at the Bonnefoy's. )

5 minutes ago ·Like

**Lovina 'Suck It' Vargas- **I hope you die.

A few seconds ago ·Like

**29 people** like this.

* * *

Lovina was packing up her room. She gazed at the walls and smiled a rare smile. The walls were painted yellow on one side and black on the other. On one side there was a hot pink and yellow bed, and on the other side and black and purple bed. Both sides of the room were covered in art; On Feliciana's side it was paintings, while it was just sketches on Lovina's side. Damn it, she was going to miss this place. All of her happy memories were here. Like the time they had a sleepover and cut all of Lovina's hair off. Or the time they adopted a stray cat, and hid him in their room for three months.

Lovina picked up a picture of her parents off the bedside table. She smiled a bitter smile. Her parents had died in a car crash 8 years earlier. Though they were twins, everyone said Feliciana was more like her mother, while Lovina was more like her dad. Her mother had been an eternal optimist. You could've thrown a grenade and blew up her car, but she would've just smiled and let it go. She and Feli had the same smile. Lovina's father was a no nonsense man. He was the kind of person who could out-swear anyone, and often did, for the slightest of reasons. It was always up to her mother to keep him in line. Lovina remembered when they all painted his room together…

She started cursing. It wouldn't do to dwell on the past. Besides, she had to get all packed and ready to meet the bastards. Oh joy.

* * *

Meanwhile, Feliciano was in the garage sorting through all their old junk. Why in the world they give the biggest job to the biggest procrastinator, only God knows. She was currently sitting on the floor eating pokey.

She looked at the box in front of her. It was full of old dolls. She smiled.

_Flashback: _

_10 years ago_

"_Sorella! Sorella! Look what I found!"_

_Lovina eyed the box suspiciously. She glanced inside._

"_Ewww! Dolls! Why in the world would I want to play with- Oh hey, this one kind of looks like cousin Francis! Do you think it's a voodoo doll?"_

_The sisters spent the better part of three hours poking the Francis doll with needles._

_End Flashback_

"Ve…. Ahhh the good old days where Lovina wasn't as violent. And I remember Mom and Dad made us tiramisu after that. Ve…"

And so the happy-go-lucky girl played with the dolls for a while. Well, until Lovina came in and threatened to steal all her pasta at dinner if she didn't hurry up.

* * *

A.N. I feel like I should write more, but this is a pretty convenient stopping place so, like I said before, sorry it's short.

Anyways, review and I'll consider taking you off my ninjas hit list. Or not. But either way I'll love you forever. First three reviewers get one-shots or a chapter dedicated to them.

~Hasta la pasta!~


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